if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
