I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A+ Viking dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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