"it" just moved
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
