I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
