her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
