Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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