covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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