Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
