I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
