also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
