That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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