ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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