it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
