her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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