I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
