My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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