But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
