my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
