Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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