I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
