Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
