this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
