is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
