he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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