I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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