Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
