We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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