I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
organizing the empties. That sober.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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