I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
