last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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