Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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