Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
