ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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