I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
