Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
