Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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