it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
