i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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