My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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