She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
