Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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