i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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