My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
