Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
