This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
