he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
