Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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