so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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