Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
