Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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