He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
