i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
