she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
